I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
