Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
