he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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