Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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