So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
