Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
