party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
