ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
