Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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