Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
