who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
