1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
