Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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