I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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