I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
