you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
