she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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