there's paper in my vomit.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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