Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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