just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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