I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
