It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
