Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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