Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
