Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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