I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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