Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
