Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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