new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
