Your dad touched me again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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