"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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