we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
