remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
