Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
