You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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