I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
