If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
