I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
