He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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