Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
