he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
