i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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