Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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