you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
