did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
