I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
