i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
