I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
