Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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