This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
