:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
